Messy, imperfect complicated relationships in families just naturally happen. Just because something is imperfect doesn't make it less valuable and important. Connection can happen even in the messy and hard times, in face sometimes that is the best opportunity to connect to someone is in their messy middle....I'll say that again that sometimes our best opportunities for connection are in the hard times, in the times we feel most unlovable or when our family members seem the most unlovable. When we truly show empathy, love and understanding for someone who is struggling, we build a bond of trust and love that can't be built any other way.
Think about this with your spouse/partner and children. Do you go to them or withdraw when they are struggling? Do you really show them you unconditionally love them even when their behavior might be ugly? Do you meet them in their most challenging places? This is an opportunity to simply show up for them. You don't need to fix them, you don't need to change them. They need you to show up for them, be there for them.
Humans are complicated, relationships can be so tricky....connect anyway. Allow others (and yourself) to mess up and make mistakes and show up anyway.
(Disclaimer: I am not talking about unhealthy relationships where you need to step back due to unhealthy or abusive relationships and need to set clear boundaries.)